it's a little late for "back to school"...

So my little girl goes back to school tomorrow. I swear, it's harder than her first first day.

Weird timing, you say? Yes. Yes, it is. I homeschooled her for the first half of the year. And I knew - KNEW - more than anything that it was the right thing to do. I didn't have anything against the school system or school itself. I just knew that she could do better at home - learn more, learn better, learn better things, etc. And the whole first half of the year, September till now, it's felt like the right thing to do.

But I haven't been able to concentrate on teaching. No one tells you that having two kids in school and the others at home will mess you up, homeschooling-wise. Our schedule is not ours. We can't do as we wish. We can't plan what we want. It all revolves around someone else's schedule.

And what if one of those schooling children maybe (maybe) really should be in school? What if that's what they need? Then you'll never have that "make our schedule what we want it" scenario.

Then you have home stuff. That is, Stuff. Stuff comes up. Children act out. Teenagers emerge. Teenagers with baggage. And you become so consumed with them and their issues and their next move that you border on depression (again) and can barely manage to run your own house, let alone someone else's entire education.

So back she goes. I will miss her. So much. (sniff) Having your kids around you so much for such a long while, it suddenly seems like 8 hours is FAR too long to be without them.

I love liking my kids. I just have to trust that this is the best move for all of us.

For now.