Wednesday, September 28, 2011

prayer hang-ups

Here are my prayer-related issues, in a nutshell:

1) For some reason, I feel like you have to work your way up to a real good pour-your-heart-out. My brain keeps saying, "you haven't prayed in a while...I don't think you're allowed to just dive in with some I'm really worried abouts...start faithful with a little first..." Like what, God will be more inclined to listen to me, to grant my petition, when I've shown myself to be a frequent shopper? That I've been faithful with my daily prayer responsibilities, so He can trust me when granting a really big favor? This keeps me from praying about what's really on my heart. I don't feel like I've shown myself worthy of major air-time.

2) I'm one of those people - I actually believe the crap that you have to be clean before you arrive at the Throne! Hear me - I know I'm wrong. But my little legalistic brain hears
But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.
it believes it. There's not a lot of room for argument. And that right there is enough to bog me down and keep me from even trying. But if I did try, if I literally found a list of sins in the Bible and thought through each one to see if I remembered committing it lately, so that I could be as blameless as possible before God, I swear - I actually get so annoyed at the time that would take, and I don't have it! Besides which, if I actually have a real good pour-my-heart-out that needs doing, all that research is only going to either put it off, or make me forget what it was entirely.

So, I end up not praying about what's really on my heart because I don't feel like I'm allowed to start with something big, and because I'm thinking, "there has got to be sin in there, so if God's not listening anyway, what's the point?"

I'm not actually despairing. I know I'm talking baloney. But anyone want to tackle either of these anyway? Encouragement is appreciated. Grace, too, of course. And if "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness," I'll take any of that as well.

1 comment:

  1. Well, at least you are aware of your daily sins, something a lot of us tend to overlook. You have a beautiful heart, Carrie.


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